Korea's top actress, Jeon Ji Hyun.
My motivation.
I have the same height as hers.
Target weight : 54kg.
I'll start my diet diary soon. Sorry S diary for delaying (:
Thank you S diary Cafe for delivering "My 30days Diet Diary".
Should i blog in Korean or English?
Coming soon.
Evening of the paddy field. Titi Serong3,Kangar,Perlis.
Morning View of the Paddy Field. Taken 840am.
Coconut tree that grown in the garden of the house.
the river where bro and i used to fish and play everything here.pluck flowers (there is this type of flower where it burst when it touches water;i dont know its name but we used to wake up early in the morning, pluck the flower and throw a bunch of it to the river and observed it till it burst one by one);and we get so excited.wtf.so noob. i love this river because though much changes has been introduced from the wood bridge to concrete bridge the view of the river remains the same. At certain percentages,(definitely) is polluted but it still remain beautiful in my heart as i still have the image of it since young.Fishing is what we does back home. Cos im a better fisher than bro (: WE used to catch toads too. How days..
What motivates me to post about my hometown was a messages i received from Cath weeks back when i complained about difficulties im facing here.She too, back then was contemplating with her own personal issues back then. The message goes like this:
"do what you love first, money follow. 我以前很怕自己会后悔，可是现在, 我已经不怕后悔。 因为，我最怕的是。。后悔得太迟！可以后悔， 是因为你有机会去尝试也有机会去重来。觉得不适合自己，真的没有必要勉强。 因为，你的人生是你一个人的。快乐是你的， 悲伤也是你一个人的。 如果你没有办法向自己交待，你也不可能可以向爱你的人交代的。 在你学会爱别人之前，你要用心学会爱你自己，一定一定要学会尊重自己。 ：）"
From her message although she mention " 快乐是你的,悲伤也是你一个人的", meaning that happiness and sorrow solely belong to yourself. But the message i got is "快乐和悲伤并不是属于你一个人的" meaning happiness and sorrow dont just belong to me,alone. Because i realized when im upset or unhappy or depressed it affects people who loves me as well. 最伤心的就一定是我母亲接下来就是我哥。The ones that will be most affected will definitely be my mum and then my brother.
“觉得不适合自己的，真的没有必要勉强”meaning if you dont feel it doesnt suit you,you dont have to force yourself. Which brings me to my first thought about coming to Korea. I was sitting aimlessly staring at the wire which divides the area between the paddy field and tok's house and was thinking : I always wanted to run across the restricted line and to see whats out there and imaging myself experience stuff i never thought i will. And then when i crossed the line, i laments about my discontentment. I felt ashamed.
And then came her abrupt decision to leave US and pursue her dream in the medical field as well as to reunite with her loves ones. What impressed me was that she rather enslave herself,ready to struggle and battle the worst to be with her love ones and be at her best priority. It must have been really difficult for her. LOADS of courage needed to make such important decision. 一转生就是一辈子。Though i was quite disappointed with her decision i gave her my 100% support to her decision. Because she was really brave with her decision to give up wasted years studying diploma in nursing and pharmacy and then to restart from A-level again to pursue medical? For me i definitely wouldnt want to start my life again with STPM. It was hell to going through it. And that most people who left Malaysia wouldnt want to go home again or will rather pursue their career somewhere else.
That questions my priority and i was having second thought about giving up everything here and be with my family again. I was ashamed because back then my priority was a chance to leave home. I was given 2 path to Sabah or Korea. I thought the further the better plus i have had much interest in Korean language back then (still am).
Dont get me wrong. I dont doubt that coming to Korea was a wrong decision. And no im not giving up my study here and go back home.I just felt the need to reconstruct my priority. To pursue my dream means to live something behind. My question is, is living dream more important than family? I dont have big happy family like most of my friends does; which was what i thirst most;which i knew was beyond reach. Sometimes i hated being multiracial because it felt like i have no identity. (The chinese says im malay ; the malay says im chinese; the indians says im chindian) I hated attending events involves big crowd because i dont belong anywhere. And then came along 我行我素syndrome. I admit i have TOO many circles of friends BUT again i dont belong to any of the circle. Thats why i always like to handle stuff on my own. Walk alone. Eat alone. Go to library alone. Run alone. Travel alone. Driving alone. Cry alone. Write alone. Sing alone.Read alone.... I hate being followed nor following. *that also claims why i always walk so fast*
After awhile doing that, i realized that although God is always with me but i think i got the message from the Mighty that He created this world so that everyone wont be alone. I cried alot writing this post. I never realized i was too weak to accept other ppl's friendship. I hated myself. Never did i thought that hating myself also means hating the Merciful creator and the hands that brought me up. Not realizing being multiracial is being multilingual and multicultural which also means being ME,my identity. Nobody get the chance to experience so much in life yet being remorseful about it.
So answer to my own question. Back to square 1. Living dream. To live a dream means to color your own life and others with the wonderful story of your family. To shower yourself with familial loves means to embrace yourself. Living this dream, i achieved that much. Once i lose it but i regained my consciousness. Who cares if cant speak BM or English or Mandarin appropriately? Because is what i am. Accepting my weakness will be my motivation to be better rather than wallowing in self pity over unfairness in life.
And no, living this dream doesnt mean leaving my family behind. Living this dream means having them in the TOP priority list. Ask me again today what is my dream? Is to reunite with my family.
All of us have different motive and path in life. Like Cath, she realized she couldnt achieve so much without her love ones. We are all the same; the path chosen ahead us defines our motivation. To realize our dream to betterment in our family's life. We do it differently. That what makes world colorful.
不适合自己的，我并不会勉强。我只要配合我的不勉强，给自己正当的选择。Crossing the restricted line doest mean im outside the comfort zone; is to building a wider comfort zone so your love ones could feel the comfort WITH you.
Amen.
I find it amusing.
It was taken at 8pm after the dormitory distribute free ramens to all the residents. You can see it piling up the floor the next morning.
Mom used to prepared healthy diet for me when exam season approaches. She even make extra effort to come home early so i could eat my meal in time and make sure i have enough rest. Basically i was treated like a princess during exam season. I was even exempted from house chores.
Why i said i find it amusing is because studying in korea is a whole total new environment and experience for me.During exam if we enter the library we could see many of them (guys esp) did not shower for days; for days they been living in the library. Working hard the very last minute (isnt that what we always do?) . What i dont comprehend that, is the time during exam that they do not care about their diet at all. Worst, Ramen 3 times a day?
Didnt they know that what we consume could actually affect our brain performance?
Well, im really thankful that the canteen serves 2 meals per day so i dont have to worry about what to eat everyday.
Random # Im healing.(:
I look really nerd with middle parting.
But im liking the look.
okk. curse me.
Random #1 My stomach is getting better (i hope) but my heart is pounding faster than usual.
Random #2 Nightmare level 3 is coming. Lagi geng punye effect.
Random #3 I have class stat class at 11. Why the prof have to make our life difficult 1. I always thought exam week is study break week before this. wtf.
Random #4 Im scared.
Random #5 All i want to do is crawl up back to my bed and have a good sleep rather than battle with the coldness. You dont understand. Cold weather is really killing me. Is worst than hot weather.
Random #6 i wanna cry. Anyone want to lend a shoulder?
Random #7 Tuning to 心跳，by 力宏
Random #8 B is online eventhough his status is FB is “Wake up, full day training". Dont know why i find it amusing.
Random #9 Stomach pain attacks again. Gonna go to the loo. Pray for my exam ok.
Random #10 Guess what. Is 10AM now my exam is 1PM. My professor hasnt announce the location for exam in ECLASS. Does that mean no exam or he just forgets to declare?
source : Greenopia.com
There's a malay proverb saying "siapa makan cili, dia yang akan rasa pedas";which means whoever tasted the chili he will know how hot the chili is. But to me, :saya makan cili, perut saya rasa pedas. And not my tongue. Chili has been part of my life ever since i was introduced to it. Ask my family and friends, all my cooking revolves around chili==pedas.
Doctor says im fine and that a meal with chili will cause my bowel to contract or something like that and ㅂㄷ재랒ㄹ자납ㅇ나ㅜ안라마얌ㄷ버나밍ㅗ야주챠ㅑㅈㅇ츶ㅎ쟟별일아니예요. 물 잘 드시고 쉬세요. 이제 가셔도 돼요. (i never studied BIO so i know nothing of what she was trying to say). "glad"
My stomach says:" kill me."
Mum say eating chili will burn my intestine and might lead to lung/stomach cancer or something and has advices me not to eat too much of chilies.
I never care to take heed to mum's advice even she is a a nurse because i love chili and i read the medical journal few years back it says "
Chili peppers contain vitamins A and C and lots of calcium (which also boots metabolism)."
But my recent stomach upset episodes has further intrigued me to how serious it can be after eating Chili. Or is it my hygiene management? But how come people dont get stomach upset after eating my food?
Last night i ate 2 packets of hot and spicy maggie mee, 3 생선까스 and of course cili padi.ㅋㅋ This morning i felt horrible. The weather is cold. and i had exam at 11. I dragged myself out the cold, persevering with my stomach, finished the exam sweating and feeling cold at the same time. The professor see me also kesian me and give me more time to finish my paper. *cross finger* i hope i dont score badly. ㅠㅠㅠ
I might seek professional consultant later if it happens again. I dont want to hear the possibility that i will die for eating chili but i just need to get this matter right. Is affecting me, mentally.
Will further my research on Chili. Await my next pro-post.
Random #1 C 언어!
I have no idea why im over excited about this but Mr. Doctor said that you can never now how it feels to have someone close to you playing professional. Quite true. We were too excited that we chatted in FB the whole night. At least somehow chatting with them ease my nerves towards my nightmare level 1 paper, calculus.Again, congratulation guys. I pray for your next victory.Second good news is....Mum will be happy to hear this. My 10kg of Jeju Oranges arrives today! Practically make my day! Jeju Oranges is in the Season now! Go get it at G-market for half-price before 21st! Dinu and i still indecisive whether to get another box of 10kg. I think is really worth it lorr.. You know la Fruits in korea is superbly expensive.
Some people even commented on Fb asking whether i can finish the whole box. Well guys, i think i can! Im so excited when i see the box with my name on it! Whats even more enlightening is when i discovered whats inside is completely.. i dont know how to describe it.. There is not even one rotten inside! I think Gmarket has managed to keep their quality checked before sold to customer. Thumbs up Gmarket! Thats why i love e-shopping in Korea. You can just click the order at the comfort of your desk! Even better, there is no delivery charges. Cool right?
the first thing i did was posing with my new autumn heart.
Random #1: Today so bloody cold. The chilly wind keeps blowing and my ear hurts. It feels like the wind is gonna chopped my ear away. Calculus was bad, as usual. English was okay. But im still happy! Die die la. Is not the end of the world. I done my part.
Random #2 : I dont know if is me being unlucky but i kept bumping to the law faculty "오빠". I mean like we have no connection at all except we goes to gym together..that also hardly meet 1. not that we call or sms each other and have a special timing for gym. And his buidling and my natural science building is so far away ok! But i still keep bumping to him. Not that i hated him or what. I just dont feel like addressing other ppl "오빠" and he is very particular about it. ptf.
Im gonna enjoy my early winter with my autumn love. <3
Random #3 Despite how much i hate winter and how winter always gives me severe headaches but im still waiting for the day it snows. (:
My dear 인선 took this photo and dedicate this particular photo to 당려 who is currently in 哈尔滨, China. With the message : " Did you see my heart? This heart represents how much i miss you. Life is never the same without you." I saw the message and sounds of regrets tickled me. Poor little girl. I have been abandoned her for long. I been keeping in touch with the one in China but i have been abandoning the one who is currently here.
little girl and i @ her mum's 항우Beef restaurants. Quite famous in 부평. Located at 동수 line number1, exit number 7. Must try. Price reasonable. Im promoting because in future i need them to help me promote my resturant (insyallah).She is like the nicest korean girl i ever met (besides my sisters..). I believe in her. Because of her, i believe there is room for friendship between me and koreans. I just need to walk out the closet. I am pessimist about making friends with koreans after what i encountered in class but she somehow managed to change my perspective.
Will make it up to you girl! <3
Random #4 Is true that negativity is like gravity, always pulling you down to the ground. Everything that happens happen for a reason. As consequences, it has 2 side-effects : the good, and the bad. Too often we only weep over the split milk not even into consideration whether the split milk is spoiled or overdue. If only we could look and analysis both ways we'll realize we dont lose so much after all. We believe so much in what we see and always ignoring what we dont. I think i can fly higher today. I doubt i even do well in calculus because some of the questions i dont even understand all i do is using the sums given and solve it with my own method. but im happy. Happy because is over and 69days left and i'll be back to my mum. Who cares about the bloody result or whether or not i'll graduate in 3 years time. I do care but i worked so hard and if it still goes wrong maybe i dont belong here afterall..
Random #5 Time is to short to cry over spilled milk. I think i just lost 5 kg because im deleting the negative files in my head.
Random #6 Off to study C language and will pen down about effects on Japanese occupation in Korea from 1919-1945 (i think thats the period..hehe didnt revise my textbook. what am i gonna do? everything is in korean!) well yeah, i have to write my thesis in korean but it cost me 40% of my GPA. So i must fight for it! Lets naver it now..hehe.
Random #7 QQ can be so bloody annoying. Random ppl from China keep adding me. Dahlah the population so banyak. One day i received like 10 requests? And none of them are my friends.
Tata.
Have a good week. (:
P/S:
ENJOY. <3
Right now, right here im craving for..
Yes! Dim Sum. I can still remember clearly my dear sayang took me dimsum for breakfast for the 2nd day! 2nd day and im already awake at 8 in the morning (mainly is to send lesley off to work..hehe)
Sayang introduced me to 莲蓉包 which until today i couldnt erase the taste and the image of it off my mine. Sorry if i keep bringing up about this lotus pau but it really tasted so good. awesome. Orang Subang if interested can go check out USJ21 dimsum restaurant which already established a name for themselves already. Come to Subang and ask for Dimsum people will definitely recommend this place.
what more can i ask for a good companion other than my sayang? She's always busy but she never forgets to make time for me. For this, i dont know how to thank her. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
sayang let me drive her sayang car also. Hehe. I must thank her bro weijin for letting her to use the car to serve me ^^ Really, the more i think about the time back home the more i really feel like thanking you. Im so grateful to have a friend like you. Doesnt matter day or night you are always there even you cant be there you always have your ears ready for me. 感动。感动。
Im craving for shopping spreeeeeeeeeee. There is not any other place other than sunway pyramid!! This place is definitely better than any other place that you can find in KL. You can find almost EVERYTHINＧ here! I mean it. You name it they have it. The best part is, we can find it in the comfort of our neighborhood. The only miserable thing is that when evening arrives, the road start to block. But im missing this place!
I miss home!
I miss my bffssss!
Tell me im a genius.
Tell me i'll score at least B for Calculus.
Tell me i will have enough time to solve 15 questions in 1 hour 40 mins.
Tell me everything will be alright; so i could continue stay in this sickened place which i need to endure in order to secure a place in the society cast one day.
Tell me im a genius.
So gila d. Solve one easy eerie question can be so bangga.
But all i need is;
your comfort.
I dont want to leave this place.
I promise i'll be good.
I promise i'll start to love this place all over again.
Tell me i'll do well.
p/s: Good luck everyone who are having mid terms!A week down, 2 more weeks of papers to go. Then im gonna date the nature on the 31st, balik kampung korea with sunmoon family (cross-finger) and then 건축학과 Exihibition in Gangnam to support my roommate. Orang Seoul pls datang support 인하건축학과 at 현대 Gallery, 강남 from 2nd November to 7th November. Im only looking forward to finishing the finals.
<3
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