"Why do people have to leave each other?" is the very first chapter that was introduced by yasminmogahed's 'Reclaim Your Heart' manual about life journey which eventually will lead us back to our creater,- Allah SWT. You can purchase the book here.
So why do people have to leave each other? Or rather, why do people always leave? These questions is no stranger to me. Having to grow up without paternal love, i am always intrigued to find love from a man. Of course there is my blood-tied brother and my fellow brothers who always give me their love and support throughtout my life which i am always grateful of. However, my seeking for love doesnt stop there. Because we human are made to never be content with what we have; contentment is also dangerous in religious's perspective because with it we will stop seeking for God's love and approval.
Ever since i was a child, i would always seek approval and love outside the home. I always felt unwanted , just being at the playground i found friends that i could share my tears with. It was then i started to depend and having expectations from friendship, and then as i grew up i learned to become attached to my surrounding. Call it karma, the vicious circle never stops. I have always envy how other parents/grandparents 's love could last a lifetime and had a little hope i could probably dream that kind of lasting love, too. To no avail, friendships dissapointment and so is relationships. OVER and OVER again, it keeps crushing me and yet like a fool i still have a little faith in what i was grasping all a long. I thought to myself, "what doesnt break me makes me stronger" and was hoping one day i will find what i seek.
As i was reading, i found that i have many things that i could relate to. The problem with my dissapointments and consistent heartbreak has nothing to do with the people that dissapoint me, but rather it was my attachments and expectations to them.
I am born muslims, but my relationship with God is very inconsistent. I do not dare to say i love Him, because sometimes i still feel resentful for what i have become and what is happening around the world. Not because i dont, but because i was ashamed of the fact that i couldnt change my fate it was easier to play the blame game. I dont blame God for my circumstances, but somehow i just consistently turned my heart off and allow people and my relationship to fulfill my self-worth and happiness. I pray to Him all the time, but sometimes i forget why am i praying. Constantly, i keep running back to Him, seeking His forgiveness but then again... We all pray to seek His love and forgiveness, with the hope that after the world ends we might somehow end up in Heaven. Eternity..is what many people with faith is striving for. For me on the other hand, i seek refuge from God but eternity has no meaning to me because the people i love (my family, friends that mean so much) doesnt have the same faith/philosophy/path than i do. Why go to heaven if the people you love isnt going with you? It was then i turn myself to dunya (world-ly matter).
As i am writing this, i have no idea how am i going to conclude this post. Back to my quest for happiness. Attachment and Expectations. I was soul-searching without a soul. I depend on relationship to fulfill my happiness without any expectations at first, but as i became emotionally-attached and was let down.. i break down. Again, and again. Borrowing phrases from the book " Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes againts our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for waht is perfect and waht is permanent. We are made to seek what's eternal." That just hit me. In contrary of my expectations for eternity, i was building ground yearning for eternity in this world. And that is why it breaks us.
These are warning of that something is wrong. I found the need to detach from this world and live without expectations. I found the need to turn to Him and only expect from Him. Because from Him is what we get in this world. The pain we felt, though it was from Him but we were given the choice not to.
"And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us the most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which becomes barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachement evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don't like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says : "Verily, never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves." (Qur'an, 13:11) "
That were nothing wrong with having attachments and expectations. The only mistake was not placing those expectations and priorities in God. This was the deep truth. I realized that why some would rather be nun and live for God for the rest of their lives. But i mustnt lose faith nor hope, because i know He, and only Him can fulfill my expectations. For what has happened, it was always for me to return to Him.
So why do people leave?
When we place our attachments and expectations on God, the answer to the question just seem simpler. Because if it was meant be perfect, what is the next call? What do we do with our lives now?
Dear God, i seek refuge from You and depend on Only You to rectify this heart, and to face this heart only to You. I depend on You to eliminate any distractions of life from You. With a little faith with love in this world, i rest my hope on You.
Thank you sister. I pray that Allah SWT bless you for you have touched not just me, but many with your writings.